thats done and im gladfor it

idont know how i did i dont know how every one else seems to know immediately

I don't know how I did really and truly.

four days be fore home my home this time too

Its mine now and that feels re ally odd Ithink.

butstill

home a gain home a gain forgood this time

ifor got the pass word to raven claw tower lastnight and just sat outside

For two hours.

andcouldnt get in

Thats all re ally.

newts in lessthan a week i re fuse to thinkthat im doomed

ispent most of yester day moving all mythings back to my side ofthe room its veryveryvery easy to take over aspace when youre the only one there but itfelt weird to have mythings on Ant
hon
y's bed or kevins or abook in boots case.

Now theres one filled space and allot of empty and i'm notsure I like thatbut its bet ter than be fore.

lessthan a week be fore im Eight Teen now too

ithink itsmore crowded a round here recently kindof

Its still empty but its more crowded.

itsweird how people just ap pear some times

And time moves on and on and on. Its re ally strange to think ofwhat I was doing this time lastyear.

im actu ally re ally tired of all this

newts arenormal

Ilike that.

every thing outthere is all weird and changing and no thing is nor mal now be cause times are strange

but wevegot exams andtests and every body does andall ways does and allways will even if every where people are dying andliving and losing their minds

be cause some thing has to benorm al

I like normal thesedays

isshe even all owed to do that?

I felt like I was dead.

re ally honest ly dead

Mortifices te et vivas in illo thenright

Persequaris te, sequaris illum, semperque optes sequi illum

itsre ally me thistime

I promise.

howstrange tobe surroun ded by

friends whoarenot really friends

iam ques tioning everybodysome onecould be

goodinabadplace badinagoodplace

It's hard to concentrate.

whydidthis hap pen?

thereis to omuch strange go ingonout side

somthingis

wrong.

good gameat least i sup pose

Good game.

this isjust de pressing

we'll justhave toget it to gether for nexttime

three hund redand seventy two days

thirtytwo days

I don't wantto be counting any more and I don't want any more days to countto.

andi didnt wantto count in thefirst place

I don't think that's wrong.

i have a new pre fects bad ge even though im not

Ant
hon
y

and couldnt be on an yof his lev els

I have a Quidditch team thats two short and Im the last Chaser.

ihave a year thatsall most emp ty

I have a story I told and wasnt listened to for.

istill have an emp ty house



Some times opti mism is veryvery hard.

'How long have you known the accused?'

seven yearsand never and neveragain

'What did you see on the day in question?'

the endof the world beginning ithink

Again.

'And the other boy, this Anthony Goldstein, how would you characterise their relationship?'

cold war

I didn't say anyof that but I wanted to.

boot didnt even look sorry he didnt look like any thing except may be a bit bored

I think I'm going to be sick I think.

Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

thisis horrible ab solute ly hor rible


And what is this world? Where good men listen to the Serpent and eat the fruit and walk out of the Garden on the leash of Leviathan and bad men wear the crowns of martyrs and speak with the tongues of angels and are heard not?


whatis this world

This is not my world.


peopledie and peoplelive and peopleturn and peoplelie and peopletell thetruth and peoplebe tray people areloyal and none ofit mat ters it keep son turning and going and


This is not my world.

thebest of us are lost todeath or lies were all thats left this isnot what iwas promised this isnot theway its sup posed to be


But it's the way it is.


Mea culpa.


ishould have seenit

Mea culpa.

ishould have listened

Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

I'm sorry.


Anthony?


Isaiah 27:1 in die illo visitabit Dominus in gladio suo duro et grandi et forti super Leviathan serpentem vectem et super Leviathan serpentem tortuosum et occidet cetum qui in mari est



Anthony?


Watch your own back from now on watch your back your own back.

this is not the world iwas promised



But it's the world I live in.

Anthony?


It's over it's just begun.

Watch out.




Mea culpa.

Requiem aeternam dona eis...

Requiem aeternam...

Requiem...










I can't.

Icant.

icant

n
ot

this time

not a gain

ma

mater misericordiae


some o

mater misericordiae


mater mis

mater miser

ma


some oneany onesome oneany one

SANCTE Michael Archangele, defende nos in proelio...

boot


anthony




It all went down.

san ctamari asanctade eig enetrix orapro nobishe sblee ding hewont ge tup





Anthony...



boot



He...


some onecome u phe renow ica

ica

ican

ican

icantdothis



Someone, anyone, any of you out there please come up. I don't know how long this is going to hold on and it looks really bad. I'm doing my best but I don't really know what to do and there's a lot of blood around that should be in them and isn't.




please


Salve, Regina, mater misericordiae


please

goodnews badnews good newsbad news goodnews

Some times I love life.

congrat ulations im sor ry

itwas atthe bot tom

i for gothow tiny itwas

And how ugly.

idont ev enknow

Leave me alone.

to dayto dayto day

anthony cant stoppac ing idont know why

quid ditch is notmuch re ally i all ways thought itwould be dif fi cult but its just upanddown and ican do upanddown

The box seems big ger every day but I think I'm getting to the bottom and that's some thing else.

and ithink boots having morn ing sick ness or some thing

im notcrazy you know really imnot its just hard for me some times

Don't say I'm crazy I'm not.

i wish ihadnt brought allthese lockets up withme to look through them some times ill take one out and lookat it and think itshers and its not

and allthe chains are tang led to gether

But I can't stop picking through them when I've got time I need less time not more isn't that weird.

i think im going tolike quidditch

so you winand you lose and youwin and you lose and things go onandon

and class startsand stops and friends fight andmake up andfight and dont

and no thing really happens

But I'm all right today.

its kindof coldout here and idont think ican really feelmy hands thatwell

but itsnice to be doing some thing ingeneral

And we might actually get some thing done here or if not at least we tried, right?

ifor got my blanket inthe room cani get a loan from some one

homeagain homeagain i sup pose then its been long and its notall it couldbe but its mine i guess right

For now.

grand mother keeps walking backandforth and backandforth now shes worried ithink ishouldnt have toldher what i heard that kindof thing worries her and ican under stand why ithink

It worries me sort of.

i just want thingsto work now i sup pose imean i haveto

i just want thingsto make sense i sup pose but they neverdo

i just want thingsto be better

But for now I just want to sit here and watch the sky its easier to pretend that no things wrong here.

it wasnice to meet every one by the way very nice

im sorry

in ever wanted to have tosay or write this a gain

in ever wanted to have tosay or write this atall




Requiem aeternam dona ei, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat ei. Requiescat in pace. Amen.




I'm here.

if any body needsme or wantsme

I'm here.

filled the last box with the last bits a broken thimble some of das pens three ties and a book and took it up stairs and down and back to storage to day and grand mother said

...

Grandmother said 'That's it, then, Mikey-my-boy.'

And she didn't cry.

And I said 'Yeah. It is.'

And I didn't cry.

...

and then i sat down out side for a little while and then i went in side and put on her favourite record and tryed to bake cookies and they burned

and theirs only one picture in the house of us all any more and im three in it

i suppose its allways the same allways

Right?

it gets better though

ive been promised that it does even if i know that no thing any one says ever helps really because it cant even if theyve been there

Mum used to listen to Peter Gabriel and she could bake cookies and things and I can't and her hair was really thick and curled and almost seemed to have its own life and she hummed as she worked.

Da used to sit over there and smile and smoke that foul pipe of his as he worked and he tried to grow a beard once right about when I was born but it grew in red and his hair is black so he shaved it all off and he read these horrible spy books.

and its allover now

and im trying to put itall in order and make every thing of it every thing make sense all i know and dont know and what ive done and not done yet





And there's nothing I can say.






does any one want a visitor or to visit i promise it wont be horrible if i can keep it from being horrible you know what i mean

Current Music: "Mercy Street" Peter Gabriel

Credo in Deum Patrem omnipotentem, Creatorem caeli et terrae.

i pray allot these days or go to church with my grand mother and think or listen to music that they liked or study or sit in the sun or move boxesboxesboxes trying to keep my self busy because im all ways a bit out of it and i never for get but if im moving or thinking its another thing for me to do and i allmost wish i was back at school be cause theres nothing worse than time without filler except telly or praying or studying or moving boxes or remembering

Et in Iesum Christum, Filium eius unicum, Dominum nostrum, qui conceptus est de Spiritu Sancto, natus ex Maria Virgine, passus sub Pontio Pilato, crucifixus, mortuus, et sepultus, descendit ad inferos, tertia die resurrexit a mortuis, ascendit ad caelos, sedet ad dexteram Dei Patris omnipotentis, inde venturus est iudicare vivos et mortuos.

i think im starting to get over it and i think im starting to move again in side and out side and it hurts because i feel like im for getting but its even worse be cause now i want nothing more than to do some thing and some thing that matters and im realising this just as i couldn't if i wanted to

Credo in Spiritum Sanctum, sanctam Ecclesiam catholicam, sanctorum communionem, remissionem peccatorum, carnis resurrectionem, vitam aeternam.

And I want to wake up and find out that the last six months and what ever have been a dream but if I can't get that I want to make sure it never happens again to any one and I can't do that but I want to stop it and I hope it has stopped and its all over but I'm afraid it hasn't and I sort of want it not to be over because I didn't do anything to help.

Amen

i want to help tell me how to help some one tell me what i can do ill do any thing

i expected them to bethere

i for got for a little bit

i was surprised when they werent

i for got

keeping my self busy none of your business how

if theres any more drama around some thing will crack

i dont know

heres to every thing no thing what ever i dont mind

is it over

what now

I'm happy for you all. So very happy.

why not mine

can some one please please please tell me whats going on i promise i wont start whatever again please just dont make me guess

allot has happened i cant think about much

but the clock just chimed and my watch just finished so its my birthday im seventeen now and im an adult so i suppose i have to

I just don't want to.

madame pomfrey isgiving me a new potion now it tasttes different and it feels different on my tongue

i dont quite know whats going on with it yet but idont feel fuzzy really anymore but things arent rushing either whichis good i suppose i kind of miss them both a little i miss a lot

im starting toget bored now that i can think again and i want to go back to class and start doing things and be useful and what ever all over again but i also dont know if i want to leave but if i dont leave things are just going to get worse

its weird but with thinking but not too fast i keep thinking that i can feel everythingeverythingeverything sort of pushing down and in but not there yet and i feel like theres something im forgetting and its important but i cant think of what

I was thinking earlier about what you say and what you mean and how it's almost never the same thing. The thought is gone now, however. I guess I am not as upon things as I want to think.

is this enough i hope this is enough

somewhere its snowing out there

ones sorrow

twos sorrow

threes sorrow

fours sorrow

sixs something el

se but im tired of sorrow

sevens heaven

eights hell

nines the devil his ane self

msorry

hard to th

ink right now ke

ep losing track fro

m the whatever but it

s not that bad i guess i

mean it coul

d be worse i guess



no i

t couldnt



not ea

silly




Sorry.






This is bad.








Requiem aeternam dona ei, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat ei. Requiescat in pace. Amen.

what in the world is this thing any way and where did it come from and what was it doing under the bed under the books next to the shoes and why do i think i should know the answer to that questione or those questiones

hello then thing my name is michael sebastian corner michael for the angel and sebastian for the martyr corner for my parents and my family and i want to be left allone especially now that i said that